Title: Mail Order
Rating: pg-13
Characters: Molly, Arthur, Hermione
Time: 31 minutes





Dear Diary,

I took the children to Diagon Alley today. It is once again that time of year. Only two of them left at Hogwarts this year, so our expenses are considerably less. I’ve grown quite tired of trying to stretch every sickle. Ginny, bless her heart, doesn’t ask for much, but this year Ronald, my sweet unassuming Ronald, has been named Head Boy and I daresay it has gone to his head. If I never again hear the words, “But Mum, I need a new one” again, it will be too soon.

Whilst the children were shopping, I managed to sneak off to one of those dirty little shops in Knockturn Alley. Oh, I know I shouldn’t have been there. For heaven’s sake, no proper woman with a husband and children would be seen within blocks of that shop. But the curiosity was killing me. Now, I’m not saying that Arthur is a poor lover, or that he has left me unsatisfied in all our years together, but truth be told, I would like a little excitement in the bedroom. Is that too much to ask? Really, after giving birth to seven of the man’s children, I think he owes me a bit of adventure.

Unfortunately, I didn’t fancy a single thing in that store. All of these magical gizmos and whirligigs were far too complicated and elaborate for me. Goodness, who wants to remember all those spells and incantations to turn the little things on and off in the midst of passion. I can’t imagine how one could keep the mood with such goings on. Apparently I am destined to a life in the missionary position. What a pity.


Later that evening...


Dear Diary,

That Hermione Granger is just a gem! Although, I do intend to keep a better eye on her around Ronald after what she told me tonight. I was sitting in the kitchen, feeling a little melancholy due to my disastrous shopping trip earlier in the day, when Hermione came in and asked me what was wrong. We began to have a conversation and one thing led to another and well, wouldn’t you know that I told the girl exactly what happened today? I did. I know it was probably quite improper, considering that her parents have entrusted her into our care for the summer, but Ginny is still so young at heart and there are no other females in this house to confide in and Hermione is quite mature for her age…I suppose that I’m straying from my point.

So there I was, sitting in the kitchen with my cup of tea, when Hermione comes in and I begin to pour my heart out. Do you know what she did when I was done, all red-faced and embarrassed? Well, she just laughed right out loud, that’s what she did! And I was feeling even more red-faced and embarrassed until she told me why she was laughing. Apparently, muggles have shops just like the ones at Knockturn Alley! They do! But you can spare yourself the shame of actually stopping in because they offer their supplies through mail order catalogues. Sheer brilliance if you ask me.

Hermione ran right up to her room and brought a catalogue down for me. Again, I must remember to keep a close eye on her around Ronald. So we went through the catalogue and she explained to me the workings and whatnots of every last item. I’m a little chagrined to say that I put together quite a large order, seeing as I had so much money left over after our trip to Diagon Alley. The dearheart promised to put the order in the muggle post first thing in the morning. She’s going to reserve a post office box in town for the delivery.

I have butterflies in my stomach the likes of which I haven’t felt since Arthur asked me to the Yule Ball our seventh year at Hogwarts. In fact, I was blushing like a schoolgirl when he walked in the door tonight. I think I’ll keep this a secret until the package arrives.


Six to eight weeks later...


Dear Diary,

Remind me to knit Hermione Granger an extra sweater this Christmas, I do owe that girl an enormous debt.

The package arrived this morning from the muggle catalogue. That package. Would you believe that I was so excited to receive it that I put on that fancy leather outfit and wore it all day long? Of course, I had to cast a steadying charm so I could walk in those boots. “Stiletto heels” I believe Hermione called them. Yes, so I wore the outfit all day long in order to keep myself in the mood. It’s a good thing that I read the book that came with it all first, that information certainly came in handy later in the evening.

The moment Arthur walked through the door, his jaw nearly hit the floor. We simply had the most wonderful evening that I ever remember. He was so taken by the muggle items I purchased that we spent half the evening just experimenting with them. Now I see why Hermione had me order a few extra sets of batteries! Arthur has already worn out four of them. By the time we actually got around to the lovemaking, I felt twenty-one again.

I suppose I had better stop writing and get some rest. Tomorrow I need to head into town and place an order for Arthur. He was quite interested in something called “edible body paint”.